I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
