she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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