Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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