why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
