There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
