If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
