she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
