Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
