I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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