very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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