I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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