wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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