I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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