You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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