If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
