How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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