Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
