So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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