32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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