Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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