theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
