dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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