Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
