so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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