she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
