i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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