dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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