she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
