im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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