Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
