I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
