I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
