he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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