question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
