Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
