I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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