He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
