I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize