Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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