so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
