how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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