so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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