literally had 100 drinks last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
