So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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