its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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