I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize