it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
