I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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