1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
