I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
