Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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