Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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