Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
