After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
