batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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