I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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