drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
