She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize