i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sex in a hospital.. check
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
