let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
