If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
