have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
