she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ttyl tear gas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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