Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
