youre lurking in front of me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
