I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
