You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
