omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize