Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
