You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
