Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
